Only an Angel may fly

the things that i read and watch

art about love

How like a God?

then i defy you, stars

20/08/23

reds is truly just one of the best films ever written. such gorgeous setpieces, gripping action and heartbreaking dialogue. i think we should bring back propaganda trains. i wanna ride a propaganda train rn

19/08/23

life on mars makes me feel proud to be british

14/08/23

i clicked with the combat very well and got a liiiiittle addicted. i am having a lot of fun with it tho. i also watched an utterly bizarre film called predestination - it was a time travel film where i was left with the distinctly satisfying feeling that nothing actually happened. all the events were tied up in such a neat little bow so that nothing changed necessarily, because all the events in the film were happening to ensure events already seen would take place later in the in-universe future. fascinating. as clara said it was like the grandfather paradox but if u fucked ur grandfather instead

06/08/23

baldurs gate 3 taking up a lot of my head rn. having trouble with it, it's a difficult game honestly, but i hope to get the hang of it. my warlock is a little underwhelming feeling but i am hoping to waylay that feeling via a few levels in sorcerer. it's definitely very fun, though i can feel i need to approach it in short bursts or burn myself out and stop having fun

05/08/23

i watched with clara some lovely little trans focused romance film. it was saccharine and cheesy in the right ways and also pretty funny at parts. it was in every sense an amateur film but it oozed charm, and the lead actress was very beautiful

31/07/23

i return. i finished sense8. it was incredibly good; clara and i agreed that there is no show that has more appropriately and effectively translated eroticism into visual form whilst remaining non pornographic whilst still remaining incredibly fucking hot. what an awesome show overall!!!

18/07/23

batman white knight pt. 2 is utterly batshit (pun intended), just like the original. the story is... fairly crap but the art and the vibe are strong enough to carry it for me. the design on azrael is great and he has some great, self aware melodrama to him. i'm in mixed minds on whether this is good but i consistently enjoy reading it. also killing gordon is so evil i cant deal w that!

ADB's master of mankind is interesting. not had much chance to get deep into it but the custodians remain cool as shit and a closer look into the mechanism of heresy era terra is def welcome. feels good to return "home" after reading unremembered empire too

15/07/23

the "despair" portion of neil gaiman's endless nights is one of the most soul-destroying pieces of media i ever interacted with. i read it in a bad mood and one part made me sob. it felt cathartic. that one story is perhaps one of the greatest piece of art in the graphic novel form.

14/07/23

finished unremembered empire. it was utterly glorious, really feels as if it fulfilled a lot of the background reading id worked in. i cant be bothered with a full review at this stage but i adored the characterisation of the primarchs, especially curze as a demon of the shadows. very successful and good book. succeeds off the strength of its dialogue and the characterisation, and what that does to the atmosphere.

13/07/23

i re-immerse myself in the warhammer grind. i read rob sanders' "the iron within", which was good, standard of the series but good for a character introduction. however the real excitement came with my beginning of the next main series book - dan abnett's "the unremembered empire", the outset of the imperium secundus arc. right from the first page im just PULLED back into this world, it is so wonderful. hamlet references and sci-fi gore, yes please sir abnett

10/07/23

i find it hard to find words to write down abt sense8. i adore the show, the drama is all really compelling and wonderful, silly asf action scenes and all, but honestly it feels a bit like the jesus and mary chain's approach to pop music. instead of adding feedback to pretty pop music, it's adding silliness and faux deep metaphorical/metaphysical actions onto what is essentially "just" a fairly interesting but routine drama setup. mashing 8 mediocre drama/action shows together into one and then tying it all together with some matrix style 2000s sci-fi ribbon. very much enjoying it - it's no twin peaks but it's good.

the dunwich horror gets better as i read more. reading is fsr incredibly difficult for me lately, i have no ability to concentrate (likely as a result of what ive been saying in my thoughts diary), so i'm taking it slowly, but i like this book. the mysticism implicit in the work really works quite well, and the look into the mind of the primary antagonist afforded really inspires imagination

08/07/23

sense8 is very silly nad very fun. the mechanics of the sensate processing end up actually being rather interesting and the action sequencees are just goofy and delightful. really interesting and entertaining show

06/07/23

started another show avec clara, also very twin peaks-esque tbh. sense8 - weird scifi stuff is happening and also a LOT of engaging drama. its all moving insanely fast but also all taking the perfect amount of time, very well paced. kinda hyperlink cinema esque ngl with the way its all so split up but with a rly interesting twist on it. definitely inspired everything everywhere all at once! saw 5 eps of it yday before we went to go do sth else and enjoyed it.

04/07/23

that peep show scene abt the savage rhapsody is honestly like 99% of my philosophy ngl. also i saw the remaster of the bowie ziggy stardust tour today. cried four times - it was fantastic. truly felt like seeing a 1973 david bowie concert. i had to restrain my excitement quite heavily when he announced he was covering WHITE LIGHT FUCKING WHITE HEAT. i knew very little abt the concert much to my shame and so it was essentially my first exposure to it. absolutely wonderful; bowie is a strange one for me bc of his... negative aspects but ziggy stardust is a character who i believe can be liberated from bowie anyway.
the pre-show interviews were utter shit tho. why the fuck am i listening to suggs and richard e grant. i wanna hear mick ronson shred. and indeed shred he did!! especially the little medley vibe started with cracked actor and went into a few other classic songs like time and even width of a circle was just gorgeous. fuzzed out glam rock glory. at some point bowie just stood over to the side and started grinning at mick ronson doing His Shit. also i even enjoyed beck - the jean genie has never rocked that hard. christ what an utterly phenomenal movie. cannot wait for it to come out on pirate sites as remaster so i can inflict it upon everyone ik :333

01/07/23

i wouldnt normally talk about house here because it is just like absolute Brain Shut Off tv for me but i do think that he and wilson have an interesting dynamic. wilson ignores his own flaws by martyring himself with house, but he is aware that he is an enabler. theyre so fucking gay for eachother AND I AM SO FUCKING GAY FOR WILSON.

26/06/23

i read the doom that came to gotham - i found myself enjoying it a lot more than i expected. it was an action comic rather than cosmic horror, make no mistake (grant morrison's "nameless" is a better example of graphic cosmic horror), but i feel as if it lifted the right parts of the lovecraftian vibe in order to create a faithful pastiche in batman form. some of it ended up even feeling rather meaningful. i cannot claim to have had particularly high expectations but nontheless i did like it.

i am not taking well to non-fiction rn, so i am retiring instead to my fare of fiction i enjoy - settling down to some music and some lovecraft. lovecraft's stories used to pass me by but i've learnt to appreciate a certain sense of weird joy in the ramblings of a quite insane man. i may read another horus heresy book then return to my political theory in fact.

i become conscious of the fact that reading lovecraft in modern times is inherently anachronistic - the amount he links his eldritch horrors to witches and wizards seems strange now but is so sensible at the time. the way he displays fear is so effective, even if what i read isn't frightening as such, the fact that his narrators are afraid is something i will always grasp

continuing with midnight mass, and the quote "see god has a plan, and death isn't part of it, not anymore." is so wonderful. the entire god's army speech too. dear lord this series is so intensely good.
additionally the mouse "act of god" speech is fantastic. i find it an enticing idea. is it not an act of god to inspire faith through less mystical ways? (for when i forget what that was, a story when a priest has sustained a young boys faith for a decade by pretending to resurrect a mouse the kid saw die via catching a new mouse)

19/06/23

rewatching midnight mass - this show operates upon a very specific and intensely powerful sense of nostalgia in me. i absolutely adore it. it is reminding me how influenced by a specific understanding of catholicism my own philosophy is, which is slightly uncomfortable to comprehend but nontheless true.

17/06/23

event horizon was a rly fun film, got together with some real good friends and watched it. camp as fuck b movie horror stuff but in a really refreshing style. not quite effective as a horror (my close friend who is terrified of horror even said very little of it frightened her) but incredibly endearing and fun. will keep it as a good silly film to watch
pandorum is shit tho. glad i picked the fun film B].

12/06/23

rewatched fire walk with me today. dear lord what a film. the final 30 minutes or so is just the emost intense and EVIL assault on the senses and i fucking adore it. also rewatching it so soon after finishing s3 of twin peaks really recontextualised a lot. the monkey.... the diner........... interesitng. much to think on

10/06/23

dude wtf

09/06/23

FINISHING TWIN PEAKS TOMORROW. everything has spent the last episodes just gatheringggg up together, its all wrapping up so amazingly. i may unironically sob.

07/06/23

HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO WATCH TWIN PEAKS IN TOO LONG! final third of s3 is really hotting up, feels like the past 11-12 episodes were all working up to a fantastic fantastic climax.
also sth abt the specific slapstick this show has just really tickles me. im not ordinarily the #1 slapstick fan but sth abt this show is just really getting it
christ i adore david lynch. gotta watch eraserhead sometime soon too

omfg the next time clara and i watch pin tweaks together we will finish it. im not ready im not ready

31/05/23

twin peaks s3 is a fucking weird animal jesus wept

28/05/23

my ass does NOT like the evil ass tree boy in twin peaks. not a big fan! not a big fan at all! big fan of the show though. weird slow burn start but by episode 6-7 it really picks up. holy fucking shit this show is absolutely divine, everything just gets so wonderfully and delightfully tied up and i love it. they're re-tying laura palmer back in and i for one am here for it i suppose. tho if i hear the word "dougie" again im going to commit a genocide.

27/05/23

twin peaks s3 is fucking odd. leaning super hard into the horror and detective show vibes but i like it a lot. the other cooper is really not nice!!!

26/05/23

promare is so fun i love hetbait. this is the most film thing ever omfg

24/05/23

having now finished the second season of twin peaks, i have completely re-asserted in my head the idea that twin peaks as a series represents the ultimate conception of not only the genre, but the concept of possession. fire walk with me already had me thinking this right from the start, that whole film was a slow burn possession of laura palmer, complete with a horrendously blasphemous blood ritual at the end. when i started watching the series i was almost disappointed with the fact that the same thing was not explored, before i got ridiculously sucked into the norma/ed drama stuff (i wonder why i love that lol). however, having got to the absolute end, i am now 1. FUCKING MINDBLOWN and 2. convinced actually that the whole show is this slow burn possession narrative. twin peaks as a place, especially the mysteries surrounding it (read: the evils in the forest) were a long-con ploy to prepare and poison cooper's mind for possession. the introduction of annie into this whole narrative is interesting too - especially given her relation to caroline earlier? leland had mentioned that he saw bob incredibly early in his childhood. generally this is something i need to digest anyway. in any case yes, i reassert that twin peaks is a possession series. it speaks to my leanings as a classical horror fan but i think it bears a lot of water. cooper becoming enamoured by the town's charm allowed bob to reach his claws into him. perhaps something to do with emotional investment? the more emotionally invested he got, the closer he came to Getting Got:tm: by bob, with the dual occurences of windom earle bringing his old convictions from an old case to the town + annie existing and him falling in love - at once a historical grudge and his love become connected to the town of twin peak, thus sealing his connection and thus sealing bob's ability to Get him in the black lodge. but i suppose the third season will recontextualise anything i feel here because DAVID LYNCH WONT BE NORMAL! not that i'd ever rly want him to be ♡
still to understand: the relevance of bowie's character in FWWM, the concept of "doppelganger" (clara VERY strongly pointed this out to me so its clearly relevant given she cited her having seen the whole show) and its relevance to the possession or seeming possession of cooper (leland and windom seem to have been at least somewhat active in their possession, whereas cooper presumably wouldn't be as a generally morally good character? reminder to self that clara positioned him as the ultimate force of good in the series to contrast with bob although idk how much i agre w this still), the character of mike and wtf is on w him. season 3 will answer some (though i imagine not all) of these questions!

23/05/23

CULT OF THE LAMB IS RLY fun. not usually a gamer but no this fucks very extremely. its adorable and rly activates my imagination

19/05/23

HOW DID I NEVER SEE REEVES SUPERMAN BEFORE. this shit is awesome omfg

18/05/23

jock one dark knightwas decent. p much exactly what could be expected from an artist comic. absolutely gorgeous ♡

17/05/23

read ‘cat person’ by kristen roupenian today, a nyt fiction piece abt a predatory adult male preying on a college girl and the ways he went about negging her. cathartically horrible rape scene. these were some of my favourite passages :] rly good overall if not a very conventionally ‘pleasant’ read

15/05/23

over the Terrors and Horrors of the last month of uni i have read superman space age. very good. really digs into the psychology of superman and superheroes and optimism. lovely little thing. art about love

twin peaks is getting so weird. mad to think that this show was originally about laura palmer lol

13/05/23 (2) (i have had a VERY weird sleeping pattern okay)

clara is enjoying watching me suffer at the horrid horrid plot twists twin peaks gives us. especially the trans arc is just. what

13/05/23

clara and i had an interesting discussion after twin peaks - i posited that twin peaks presents a cosmic battle between positivity and negativity, and that bob represents negativity. that opens up the question on whether positivity is represented by the character of detective dale cooper, or laura palmer. i would say laura, and that her death doesnt only not preclude her from this role, but it represents the core tenant of the show - that laura being dead doesn't do anything to stop the ways she touches the hearts of the people of twin peaks, and that on a meta-textual level, the fact she isn't actually in the show doesn't mean that she isn't a hugely important character. bears considering.

10/05/23

twin peaks continues to be utterly utterly glorious. its approach to cliffhangers is absolutely RUINING my ability to sleep within a timely manner.
honestly to truly bare my soul, a good portion of why i suggested we watched it is because i adore spending time with the friend i'm watching it with and considered it a good reason for us to speak more (if for some reason you ever read this then hi ♡) but i have fallen in absolute love with the show. every episode just engages me completely 100% of the time

04/05/23

i wrote something about twin peaks in here the other day but apparently neocities decided to eat it rather than display it - rude! anyway i'm really enjoying twin peaks. not a moment of the shows runtime ever feels wasted, like, every connection and little bit of scene about some random village character feels as if itll become relevant. some plotpoints are more interesting than others and yet every single one of them feels integral. its wonderful and i find myself excited to spend time with my friend watching it, i want to know it all NOW.

i also watched the new dungeons and dragons film today - REALLY REALLY GOOD! i love it when a film knows what its doing. it did not try to be anything besides a silly little high fantasy comedy and

finally, and probably most importantly, BATMAN NINE FUCKING HUNDRED. HOLY SHIT. SO GOOD SOOOOOOO SO GOOD. the absolute best ending to the red mask arc. the shark repellant scene brought a tear to my eye AND THEN TIM SHOWING UP. LITTLE TIMMY!!! god i adore chip zdarsky, his batman is so real and fucking visceral. cannot wait to see what he does next
also, jon kent's new series is good, three issues in now. the inclusion of the injusticeverse in mainline(?) continuity is fun. also mark my words - tom taylor is gonna use this to introduce his dceased villain erebos into mainline continuity as a villain in some crisis event. red tornado lois already mentioned the dceased universe in adventures of jon kent and i think hes gonna do something. dceased already kinda mimicked dark crisis in its ending and its its own lil universe now. and yknow what if im right? i dont mind. thatll be fun. im here to embrace the whimsy. if tom taylor wants to give us some dumb crisis where his stupid fucking Extra Evil villain is the guy and he gets explained with more nega anti-life stuff or WHATEVER then sure. im sure he'll give us lots of heartfelt moments like in his nightwing and a cool new character like jay nakamura (my love). im with tom taylor im with shitty contrived stories im with the whimsy.

30/04/23

planning a rewatch of the conjuring with my housemates. i adore that film but it terrifies me sm. have warned my housemates that i will probably very literally need my hand holding through it.

tonight i am watching twin peaks the movie. hm
i am now embarassingly fucking obsessed with twin peaks. omfg.

27/04/23

watched hereditary - awesome film but terrifying and mildly traumatic!!!! reminded me of home :heartbroken:

25/04/23

bought myself lemire's robin and batman today. i like dick origin stories (haha), and ik this one is croc related. the inside front cover reminds me a lot of an awesome image of batman swooping into defend dick during the taylor run that i use as a profile pic sometimes

GIGGLING GARGOYLES BATMAN! rarely have i seen a better understanding of early batman and robin dynamics. shining a light on how truly alike damien and dick were tbh
DAD BRUCE DAD BRUCE DAD BRUCE. BATDAD. HE MADE HIM A ROBIN :DDDDDD

ahhhh alfred is so good. he gets it. ‘you needn’t be like him’
HOLY FUCK BABY TITANS. IM LIVING MY BEST LIFE WITH THIS BOOK. little sociopath robin and angry granddad alfred ❤️❤️❤️

also calculator. cool. i’ve always thought he was a nice little side villain to have in a story.

i liked this. didn’t have the best portrayal of killer croc and some concerning things were brushed over, and bruce had a few moments of p bad mischaracterisation, but i think it worked as a piece showing his growth

24/04/23

boltgun. game. wh40k doom clone. looks fucking sick

22/04/23

planning a rewatch of the best film ever amde (house shark). exciting......

also played a bit of mtg. the new sets look awesome tbh - need the new sheoldred, an edict effect with THAT saga on the bg, on a creature that i can resurrect, seems pretty insane? also i get to slip a cheeky rise of the dark realms cuz of it!! :heart:

20/04/23

caught up aith some comics today. new superboy, good, giving mon his own niche seemingly which is fun. emo boy rights. end of dceased, very good. made me cry a bit. death of superman 30th anniversary issue was awesome, esp the jurgens one. pic attached is such a fantastic homage. and also new action comics seems v cool, glad theyre taking a proper approach to backup issues

also was shown everything everywhere all at once. awesome film. hard to sum up, but an absolutely wonderfully headtfelt film about love in an uncaring universe. glad i finally saw it!

19/04/23

i saw the grand budapest hotel today. it’s a wonderful and very gay romp through a delightful set of parodic approaches to upper class britishisms being challenged. very very fun and lovely. a review said that it’s charming to them because it has absolutely no illusions of realism, it charms because it merely tells a classic adventure story in full colour. ‘be certain that nothing here will remind you of realism’.
also ventures some interesting takes on the nazi occupation of europe. pretty gripping at times, and in such an upper class british (because though this exact style of brit only really exists in fiction, we all emanate from it in a platonic sense) style. the ending was fun too. the change in style between matchbox fun europe and the drab, real world that seems a bit depressing. it’s good
‘to be frank, i think his world vanished long before he entered it’

18/04/23

not picked up comics in a while. need the following according to my chart: batman inc., batman, adventures of superman: jon kent, world's finest, dceased, superboy: man of tomorrow. hope they're all there!
also the new aliens comics start soon, the 26th. super hyped abt them ngl - whilst it's not gonna be quite covenant coded which is a shame but also aliens!
was unfortunately unable to get world's finest, superboy and dceased as i think they all came out today but i will go back tomorrow!!! also the latest batman backup issue was a real gutpunch, and the jon kent story continues to win. i am the world's only jay nakamura fan i think

13/04/23

i saw the romeo and juliet and it was AMAZING. AN ENTIRELY FEMALE CAST!!!! ROMEO AND JULIET RECAST AS A TEENAGED LESBIAN DRAMA. pure genius. truly the first time i've been able to connect with romeo and juliet as a romance, but i even found myself seeing myself in romeo here! took the idea of foolish teen love but presented it as this axiomatic force of nebulous "true love" in such a way that only blind homosexual adoration could
i saw it with my mother who is a teacher to one of the women in the cast (a student play) who played benvolio, and now i will endeavour to see more of her acting. fantastic fantastic fantastic. seeing the Classical Het Romance be recast in homosexual love and be made so much more beautiful for it is like going to a combined 5 years of therapy. good god i love to love

i am definitely becoming a shakespeare fan in earnest

12/04/23

takes on the night lords novel that i forgot to include:

talos is a peter analog to curze’s jesus. he was promised he would betray him but would not believe it

’psychostigmata bruised his corpse’s pale flesh’ is a fantastic line

also watched some of the thick of it today. such a genius show. a silly comedy but quite certainly one of my favourite tv shows ever. will be seeing an amateur production of romeo and juliet tomorrow which might be shit but also might be fun

11/04/23

started interstellar today. classic nolan stylistic film. am otherwise reading a provocative people and so won't be using this section as much for a while

09/04/23

jesus ADB is fucking masterful. i cant read anything besides the night lord trilogy lately its just so fucking good. i did however rewatch evangelion e24 for kaworu and shinji times, i managed to write my poem about their love, found in my writings section. i wasnt sure of it but a friend of mine seemed quite enamoured by it so i will be happy i suppose

06/04/23

hamlet was fantastic, an absolutely dazzling performance of a play i had forgotten i love so much. hamlet was played by a young man and that really added a lot of sorrow, especially when he was in a joy division tshirt lol. i felt like the addition of modern ideas like joy division, a few handguns, modern fencing gear and recording devices rather than some letters worked well. the dicaprio romeo and juliet was ridiculous with it but i think this was a tasteful one. wasn't crazy abt making horatio female though - i like to read a gay reading of hamlet and horatio and that obviously didn't allow for one. i'd have preferred for them to both be sex swapped, or for perhaps laertes or pollonius to be made female - i think that turning male characters female is a fundamentally good thing but i dislike it when it removes chances for homosexual readings that have historically existed
otoh though i think that my reading of hamlet and horatio as lovers isn't a popular one so i'm not too upset

the night lords trilogy also continues to grip me. seeing abaddon 10,000 years after the heresy is cool too. my guy still hasnt rethought the topknot though - cringe!

05/04/23

saw ‘she said’ today, a dramatisation of the conviction of harvey weinstein. it was fantastic. i discussed with my mother about the murder of pedophiles and rapists. she didn’t draw the same conclusion as i but she seemed to understand me.

i am also adoring the night lords series. cyrion is stealing the show for me resoundingly - i hope the prophecy of his death doesn’t ring true.

i will also be seeing a production of hamlet tomorrow. i hope i teach myself to appreciate the play as i haven’t thusfar.

03/04/23

finally finished betrayer. gorgeous gorgeous book. the portrayal of chaos in this book is absolutely exquisite. ‘several of the decks surrounding it have turned to human flesh. the walls shriek at us with moving mouths”. chefs kiss. and the opening of the ruinstorm is…… wow. lorgar’s complete and utter completion as a character. also the death of argel tal is heartbreaking. the shadow of great wings…… WHICH WAS FORESHADOWED IN THE FIRST HERETIC. RAUM WAS BORN AND HE DIED IN THE SHADOW OF GREAT WINGS. FUCKING FUCKING WOWWWWWWWWW. my favourite book in this series yet. it was first heretic and now its this. stunning
i also see an interesting thing that after argel tal dies, khârn has another winged presence to talk to in angron. has he replaced one with another?

i have also now started ADB's night lords trilogy. seems very awesome. i ADORED the concept of the blackness in a darkened ship being it's own entity as an extension of the ship's machine spirit. reminds me of ungoliant in the silmarillion.

01/04/23

i wrote to ari some about argel tal and cyrene, not my best work but i want to mark it as smething for exploration on another date. this may get its own page at some point: